


Wondering to Oneself

by jennity



Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen, I'm sorry Sakura, Limited Tsukuyomi world, These kids deserve so much More, i guess i just needed to live out some angst through my girl, spoilers for Road to Ninja and Road to Sakura, uhhhh here have some angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:54:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23389858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jennity/pseuds/jennity
Summary: After she faded out of existence in Naruto’s world and back into that of her own, she stood at the gates of Konoha with a dumbfounded expression. Izumo and Kotetsu gawked at her, ceasing their conversation to observe the young kunoichi who seemingly appeared out of thin air.----In which (Tsukuyomi) Sakura returns to a world where she is once again a child of heroes.
Relationships: Haruno Kizashi & Haruno Mebuki & Haruno Sakura, Haruno Sakura & Namikaze Minato & Uzumaki Kushina
Kudos: 19





	Wondering to Oneself

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this to "celebrate" her birthday, but instead I ended up twisting the knife for her. Sorry in advance.

...After she faded out of existence in Naruto’s world and back into that of her own, she stood at the gates of Konoha with a dumbfounded expression. Izumo and Kotetsu gawked at her, ceasing their conversation to observe the young kunoichi who seemingly appeared out of thin air. “

Sakura-chan, are you okay?” She startled at Izumo’s gentle question, blinking up at him as he and his friend approached her with concerned gazes.

“Are you unwell?” Kotetsu prompted after silence had stretched too long for liking.

“Yes. Yes I’m okay,” she responded hastily with a shaky laugh and a false twitch of a smile. “Thank you, Izumo-san, Kotetsu-san,” she dipped her head in a small bow and let out a breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding. “Please… if Lady Hokage asks, let her know I’ve gone home for the night? I’m… I’m quite well, but I’m... tired. I don’t feel like I can perform to my full capability at the hospital right now. Our patients deserve the care of staff at their best, right?”

She turned away before confirmation from them, but the men gave her a nod in return and exchanged skeptical glances as she started on her way up the road. “Feel better,” Kotetsu offered weakly to which she waved a hand without turning around.

“Have you noticed Sakura-chan and Menma-kun were super weird the last few days??” Kotetsu asked his friend.

Izumo nodded in agreement. “Very. Very strange. I hadn’t seen Menma lately, but then out of nowhere he was back, roaming around with her both all secretive and acting really weird. Think they're starting to experience _young love?_ ” He playfully elbowed his friend. They watched together as the kunoichi turned a corner and disappeared from sight.

Kotetsu shrugged and turned back to their post, withdrawing a familiar orange book, waving it in front of his partner. “Swiped this from Hatake when he wasn’t looking,” he grinned and Izumo groaned in exasperation. “You _know_ he’s going to spend the next week and a half shaking down every shinobi and civilian demanding to find it. ' ** _WHO_ **is responsible and **_WHY_ **would someone steal his gateway to the paradise of youth! _Deny_ him the pleasure of the written word!'” His voice was a comical imitation of the enthusiastic jounin, but his playful protestations fell on deaf ears. Kotetsu’s mischievous smirk was the only answer to the half-hearted scolding and it brought a mirrored one to Izumo’s face.

“...Want to bet how long it takes him?” Izumo suggested. They both chuckled heartily.

\------------------------------

Their laughter followed her on the breeze as she walked towards her lonely home in a fugue-like state, zoning out despite the townsfolk who cheerfully called out to greet her. The only laughter she could hear was the echo of the booming chortles of her father. No, not hers. Rather, the father of the _other_ her. She was heading _home_. Back to _her_ _empty_ home. In this world, _her_ home, _her_ reality...her parents were gone all over again. 

She had grown up without them, had never known the loving scoldings of her mother or the terrible puns her father often sputtered. She had never known the warmth of their touch. She stroked the blossom pendant around her neck. Having seen it around the neck of her  _ living _ father, in a world where they had survived and she had the privilege to grow up under their care and support… she was speechless. She was stupefied. She startled out of her reverie at the sight of a swiftly approaching couple. 

The couple whose lives in _this_ world were traded for those of her parents. Her gut twisted in discomfort and she snapped out of her mild stupor as Minato and Kushina waved her over. They were waiting a few doors down from her own and she neared them, heart in her throat. 

What did they want? What did they know? What was she supposed to say to this couple, who in another life sacrificed themselves allowing her a normal childhood, but in this life, _her life_ , they very much did not. Part of her was melancholy, depressed about the fact that she’d have to face them before returning to a home that would no longer feel like home. Part of her was unreasonably angry at them. For being  _ alive _ . For being here, because that meant that _her_ parents were gone. She resisted the urge to scowl, knowing full well that it wasn’t their fault that she got the short end of the stick in this world. She stopped before them, hugging herself and avoiding direct eye contact.

“...Sakura-chan?” Minato’s voice was tentative, gentle..uncertain. He had always been a kind and quiet man, known for his wisdom and skill. It was strange, though, to see him so timid, as if she were a danger to him or his family. So they know  _ something _ , clearly. She wondered vaguely with another gut wrenching feeling whether or not the _other_ Sakura did something horrible. _Was she a terrible person? Was she going to have to face the consequences of another who walked in her shoes for who knows how long?_

“Are you…” he trailed off, unsure. 

“Am I...from here?” she supplied. She wavered, wondering if she sounded wholly sane. If they  _ didn’t _ know about her... _situation_ , they would think her confused at the least, and more likely completely whacko. She glanced over to Hokage mountain and saw the visage of the man she knows now to have a terrible sense of dad-humor. “Yeah. It’s me…” she gestured to the sculpted head. “Hero’s daughter, _little-orphan-Sakura._ ” She exhaled through her nose, clenching her teeth together to stop herself from lashing out with the tsunami of overwhelming emotion. 

She smiled bitterly, narrowing her gaze and studying them closely. “And you guys? I take it...” she began. “Did you….did you meet _her_? The other me?” She almost didn’t want to know, afraid that the Sakura of the other world was either a terrible criminal leaving her to clean up her messes, or _even worse,_ a skilled shinobi who had surpassed her in more ways than just having her parents alive and well. 

“You two are very similar. She was a little more...temperamental than you are. You have a sweeter disposition,” Minato hedged, carefully. He tried to make eye-contact with her, but she refused his gaze, staring instead over his shoulder at the base of Hokage mountain. 

“Did you get to meet  _ them _ ?” Kushina’s voice was uncharacteristically soft, her face carved into an expression of sorrow and regret. 

Sakura tried hard to swallow the lump in her throat and nodded, willing the tears away and biting her lip to keep them at bay. “Yes. I was able to spend a few moments with them,” she murmured softly... She didn't want to dwell on it, didn't want to share such a private moment with them, wanted to keep it for herself. She hastily changed the subject. “How did you know she wasn’t me?” 

“At first we didn’t,” Minato began apologetically. “We didn’t know until Menm--- that is… we didn’t know until  _ Naruto _ explained to us. We watched them fade away right in front of us.” 

Sakura nodded, numbly accepting this as truth considering she had just experienced the very same thing.

Kushina’s sharp intake of breath was all that prefaced the fierce woman throwing herself at Sakura and embracing the girl. “I am so sorry,” she whispered into pink hair, pressing her lips gently to the top of her head. “I’m sorry, Sakura.” 

The young girl was taken aback, shocked at the indomitable Uzumaki Kushina demonstrating such an act of sympathy and tenderness. Sakura’s arms were trapped, still grasping her own shirt. She stiffened for a moment before relaxing and exhaling into the bright red hair of the woman tightly clinging to her. She couldn’t help a few of the tears that spilled over. 

When Kushina had at last detangled herself from Sakura, she looked at the young girl with such sorrow in her eyes, hands still gripping her shoulders but holding her at arm’s length instead. 

“I…” Sakura paused, clearing her throat and trying to cast off the appearance of vulnerability. “I didn’t see Menma there... In the other world. His other came here, too?” At this it was Kushina’s turn to stiffen, _almost_ imperceptibly. Minato’s eyes darted to the hospital and Sakura frowned following his gaze. “Is...is Menma okay?” she asked, now worried about her friend. Had his counterpart tried to harm him? 

“I think he will be,” Minato responded carefully. “But you’re quite right, he didn’t..” here he cleared his throat, “he didn’t cross over with you…” Kushina grimaced at her husband’s admission and Sakura filed their expressions away in her mind for further examination later. For now, she dropped it. “Well, I better get going…” 

“Sakura-chan, wait!” Kushina begin, reluctant to let the girl pull away from her. 

“You should have dinner with us. Join us, if you like. We’d be happy for your company any time you’re inclined,” Minato invited her and Kushina nodded at his side. Sakura couldn’t help the frown that creased her brow, thankful but dubious of the offer.

“The other Menma,” Kushina began hesitantly, “his name was Naruto. His parents,” she paused here, glancing up to the mountain where Kizashi’s face loomed above them. “The other... _ us _ ,” she continued with a sharp inhale, “He...lost them, as a baby. It never occurred to me how very painful your childhood must have been, until I saw...my _baby_... trying to process the same thing.” Her tone was apologetic and she looked sincere enough, but...in a way that hurt even worse. 

_ These people exist here because her parents do not. _ She knew the treacherous part of herself was being irrational, over-emotional, unfair. But her  _ life _ was unfair. “Yeah. Well,” she shrugged. “That’s life. And _this_ is mine,” she gestured around them and nodded sadly at the empty apartment. “Thank you for the offer Kushina-san, Minato-san,” she bowed her head at them, again avoiding eye contact, “but I’m afraid I must decline tonight. I’m… quite tired and I’d like to rest now. I will report to Hokage-sama tomorrow and then go to check on your son,” she took a careful look at the two of them as they seemed to stiffen and then relax, eyes once again on the hospital beyond her. 

“Goodnight, then,” she pulled away then, ignoring their further attempts to console her. Rather than proceeding to her apartment just in front of them like she should have if she were to rest, she bolted across the rooftops until she sat overlooking her father’s visage. She did not want to return to her empty home right now. She just wanted to remember their embrace a little longer. Choking back her tears, she closed her eyes and made a wish despite the lack of candles. She wished to be back in the  _ other _ Sakura’s world. 

She wished to be held by her parents...fussed over by Ino, lectured by Shizune, scolded by Tsunade, and surrounded by friends who would rearrange their entire personalities for a day just to try to help her... This was the loneliest birthday in her seventeen years, and she bit her lip painfully before burying her head into her arms, hugging her knees closer as her body racked with sobs and her heart lurched in longing for a life that was never hers.

**Author's Note:**

> I know it's silly to make it so that she returns 'home' on her birthday, but I couldn't resist. The flashes of Menma's birthday with his parents, Kushina's birthday with Naruto before he left, and the cake that Iruka welcomed Naruto home with just made it too tempting to resist the little extra suffering. 
> 
> Also I know there's a discrepancy with the timing. She returns on her birthday, yet Naruto celebrated Kushina's with them, which would place it somewhere in July or shortly thereafter. I'm just going to shrug and call it artistic license. Please forgive me!


End file.
